Christmas Wish

After many days of holding our breaths for the diarrhoea to stop, the dam finally closed and the doctor even gave an early Christmas present - early discharge on the 23rd Dec...yippee!

As family and friends were already put on high alert, plans underwent full swing to get everything ready for the big C-Day. As always, food was of course one of his top priorities, along with the cheer from family and friends gathered together.

The spread for lunch was enough to fill me the whole day, not to even mention what was in for dinner! Lunch was gathered with both KL & Sin families. We had the much talked about German roast goose (the timing of lunch accommodated the collection of this VIP goose - only ready at 1245pm), German pork knuckles, bratwurst, potato salad, pasta and not forgetting a toast of sparkling apple juice... wine would have been preferred of course! Just look at him savouring the whole roast goose leg by himself in the pic above!!!

He was very contented to see the families chatting and kids playing. Nap was a must after his family left to drive back to KL that afternoon. He needed to recharge before the friends arrive at 6pm.

Came dinner, it was pot luck and again filled the table with so much good and rich food! Roast beef slices with peas, pasta in cream and arrabbiata sauce, baked macaroni, pizzas, black pepper chicken, honeyed chicken strips, salad and popcorn....there were only 8 of us! There was so much cheer as we chatted and nibbled as most of us already had prior rounds of Christmas meals. We even had an in-promptu session of paper crane origami.

So quickly did time pass especially when one is happy. It was pretty late when everybody dispersed with an agreement that more restraint is needed on the always generous supply of food contributed for the next gathering.... looking back, we always say the same thing.

That night, even though he was physically worn out, the sight of him blissfully happy with contentment and peace made this Christmas a poignant one.

On the Lord's birthday, we thank the Him for the timely discharge of Kevin and the hasty hospital home leave of my dad, who had an accident 2 weeks back, which made it only possible for the complete families to come together.... it was Kevin's main wish for Christmas.

From Us to All

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year to All!

"May all your wishes and prayers be fulfilled for the new season."

Taming of The Big Splurrrge

Looks like Big Splurrrge has finally been tamed .... phew!!! Till date, most bacteria tests have returned as negative.

The appetite has picked up a little and the stomach is now tolerating softer foods. His colour has returned and most importantly, his smile has come home. The moods are definitely better, especially after numerous doctors' re-assurance that he will get well, constant encouragement from the team of nurses, a visit from the counsellor and of course the biggest credit goes to the fact he is very likely to be discharged on Christmas eve... this's the season to be jolly!

Plans are underway for a Christmas lunch with both families and dinner with a few friends. The menu is of course planned by the VIP himself..German roast goose (recommended by one of his doctors) is a must, pork knuckles and pizzas.

Cheers to All and have a Merry and Blessed Christmas!

A Wife's Journey

Looking back at the unfolding of events for the past half year, I fully realise how uneven the path was, however, this journey seems so long to walk....

All from family to friends to bosses & colleagues to the medical and nursing team formed the crucial support that keeps me going on day to day. Most times were trying and sometimes almost impossible to overcome; handling his fears, moods, frustrations, hopes - expectations - disappointments about his medical conditions, evolving needs and wants and many more...but I knew I had to go on for him.

Praying for strength daily the most important and the Lord, on top of the support from people I already knew, blessed me with nurses who really cares and doctors whom I am always grateful for, who go beyond their call of duties; willingness to be contacted anytime of the day, many quick pop-bys to see he was feeling, occasional sms-es to check on things, patience to explain and update ... these gestures not only encouraged and make him feel assured, they helped me feel assured and improve my understanding of what is happening and to expect.

During the first week at Mt Alvernia's critical care, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Keeping him positive was my priority (I always wore colourful clothes and a smile on my face), I tried to take the rest of the news in my stride. As a wife, the lingering questions were - why didn't I suspect there was something wrong earlier... why didn't I bring him to the specialist earlier... why didn't I bring him to the A&E when his fever didn't subside.. shouldn't I have done all these being the closest person to him.

It was very painful to see him hooked up with the tangle of lines at the critical care, even more heartbreaking was the sight of him after the open biopsy, so vulnerable and weak while needing the support of the ventilator,covered with a thermal blanket with the vital signs monitor constantly beeping.

Many nights were spent talking to the Lord on what's in store for us, how would our lives be from this day.... it took quite awhile before I fully accepted the reality. It was heartening to know at least while at the A&E that he wanted to be baptised. It had always been in my prayers that he had a religion close at heart.

Most people often ask how I was taking everything, I must admit deep down inside it was and is still difficult. I guess it is only natural to have the thought cross my mind - after having 10 blissful years (4 in marriage) with him, how could I continue my life happily without him? As his faith grew with Jesus Christ, mine grew along with him. Ever since, each time we hit any brick walls, we lift our burdens to the Lord and this enabled us to enjoy each day fruitfully with love and peace.

It seemed forever since I last heard him laugh with gusto, had our daily dinner at the nearby food court, did our weekly grocery shopping, scold our "babies" with affection, tell his funny sometimes corny jokes, send me cheerful sms when my work got tough, make monkey faces to cheer me, relate his daily activities with much colour.... I pray and patiently await for him to recover to continue my blessed journey with him and The Lord.

The Offensive Plug

Almost if not all people that we know have a fear of needles. My fear of needles is much greater than his, if I ever did experience a fraction of what he had, a heart attack from fear from me is a certainty!

He has undergone countless CT scans and blood tests... each CT scan requires a plug. The plug is that of a butterfly needle inserted into the vein, held down by a 2 plastic flaps onto the skin which is further taped in place with a porous tape (tagaderm), a sterile yellow plastic cap is also attached to the needle. This yellow cap has a circular rubber portion which a needle is able to penetrate for blood or medications to avoid repeatedly piercing the flesh. Almost anyone who had a hospital stay would have one inserted.

His original makeup had veins hidden pretty deep in. Ever since the diagnosis and treatment, the veins are flatter and with fluid retention, they are even more difficult to locate.Many a time, the inserted needle has to be maneuvered whilst in the flesh to find a vein. That's what causes the most pain.

Once there were 5 attempts made before a vein could be hit (total of 3 nurses came to help). For that, he became even more terrified but persevere on. To worsen matters, there was a period his chemo line was infected and removed. Any blood needed had to be drawn directly form the veins ... as expected, it was always more than one attempt to successfully draw.

Each time a CT scan was instructed by the doctors, the dread sets in and he confides in a resigned tone how much he dreads it and feels like calling it quits... if the toxicity of the chemo drugs weren't bad enough. This aspect of treatment played a big part in affecting his emotional well-being. Any news that he needs a plug for a CT scan is enough to cause a sleepless night.

The CT scan was ordered after his diarrhoea-bacteria ordeal, 19th Dec. He didn't want the plug set at the foot due to previous painful experience. His arms were swollen with fluids and veins could not be located. The nurses had no choice but to manoeuvre the needle. He clutched my hands so tight... an image of a natural birthing process flashed in my head! Agony was written all over his face and finally so unbearable that he cried out in pain to stop. Next day, a sister nurse and 3 senior staff nurses tried again unsuccessfully and he was visibly very shaken. The doctors had no choice but to use oral contrast which would not give a clear image.

Let's pray for the advancement of medical science to one day develop a device for tests to be done without any kind of bodily invasion....

Being Challenged

Following the episode of diahorrea, waves of pains at the abdominal area started to set in. Into Saturday night, the pain intensified and coupled with gas, it soon became unbearable. With each wave, he would scrunch up his face in agony... it was painful to watch and yet not able to help in anyway.

The nurses were indispensable, doing everything they could to make him comfortable while the medication took effect. The medical officer (MO) came by a few times to prescribe more medication to ease the pain and diarrhoea. ECGs were taken to ensure the heart was alright, many blood cultures were done for identifying the guilty bacteria (blood culture results take a few days).

Finally came dawn. Soon an array of activities began... Traffic at his room was heavy with the nurses constantly monitoring the vital signs, the MO checking on him, a general surgeon to review in case the x-ray shows a need for surgery and his oncology doctors who came in and saw to the rest.

By late morning, high dependency monitoring was ordered, however, due to immunity levels, he was warded at the ICU where isolation was possible. At that time, blood pressure was low and fluctuating, heart rate (HR) ranged at 140-150, breathing labored and fever already settled in. He was pretty disturbed when blood had to be taken from the artery. It was appalling to hear the risks of puncture. I held my breath during the procedure and was perspiring by the end of it. To help ease the pain, local anaesthesia was given and it really worked!

At the ICU, the all-so-familiar feelings came rushing back for us... the fever, fast heart rate, breathlessness at Mt Alvernia's critical care unit. My heart sank when I saw the HR keeping at 140-150. (Humming lullaby certainly did not help...on a contrary I think the HR went up!)

The doctors explained that with low immunity, even the mildest bacteria could flare up and cause problems. In young patients with an illnesses, a possible reaction could be an increased heart rate, in some instances as high as 170. With no time to lose, even without the complete results, potent antibiotics were administered to counter most types of bacteria. An infectious disease senior consultant was roped in to ensure whatever and however stubborn bacteria would be eradicated.

With every one's prayers, doctors' dedication, ICU's care and the potency of the drugs given, his condition soon stabilized within 24 hrs. It was a relief to hear the next morning that he will return to the normal ward. By noon he was nicely tucked away at his usual isolation ward. (I too was happily tucked in my own chair in his quiet room...feeling relieved).

For now, it is just recuperation while the labs attempt to unveil the results. Although with the lack of appetite, he is trying his best to eat. The moods however still remains pretty low....

Feeling Challenged

It had been pretty chemo effect-free for the past week. Into the 2nd week of this cycle, the immunity is all time low at 0.2 (normal level is above 4). With the increased dosage of one chemo drug, dizzy spells and diarrhoea made him uncomfortable and slightly disoriented.

He described his dizzy spells as feelings of the world spinning... his feet and palms felt like they were magnified many times over and his head the size of a pinhead against an extremely large palm. This thankfully went off after a day.

The diarrhoea started yesterday and it could be a side effect or a potential bug in his gut. The doctors took no chance and started him on antibiotics asap while awaiting for the result of the lab test on the stools as it takes a couple of days.With almost nothing left in the stomach, he always feels hungry and was able to take his 3 meals which however, very soon became the output. For the record, it has been 6 trips to the gents today.... lugging the IV drip machine was certainly a chore!

A Heart-y Touch by the LORD

Let me share with you a special spiritual experience during my battle with cancer.....

It happened on the 23rd August '07, the day before my major chest surgery. The objective of surgery was to remove the primary tumor at the chest area. This was my first major surgery and expected to be a 6-hour one. Previously at Mt Alvernia Hospital, I did a simple open biopsy and came out of operating theater with a breathing aid stuffed in my throat and nose. (I must say that that was the worst ever feeling one can ever imagine, I rather do a fear factor stunt for free!)

My mood was not right to begin with, so came the day I had to check into Burj al Arab (aka SGH) for standard protocols - body checks and pre-medications by the doctors and nurses. Worry, indecisive... were some of my feelings and backing out was one of my thoughts that night. I could still back out of the surgery, all I needed was an indemnity form. Then still awake at 1030pm (I should have been resting instead for the 730am surgery), Siang, my-bro-law, paid me a visit alone.

I was surprised as it was so late! We spoke about my fears for the surgery. In my mind there were many 'what ifs..' , 'what should I do..'. Siang offered a car ride for some fresh air...can-meh? It felt like Prison Break (Singapore version)!

It was then he said "Have Faith in the Lord for only Him can bring us to salvation and to trust in the Lord!" But I really didn't know the strength of my own faith. He asked if I believed Christ died on the cross to save us. Yes, of course! "Then it's a start! Believe in Him!" he said. We continued to chat about christianity and Siang prayed for me for strength and faith.

It was finally D-Day and D-Time, with the Lord's guidance, I braved into the operating theater and before the surgery began, I said a prayer and soon the anaestheia started to take effect......Zzz....

9 hours later at 630pm, the surgery ended. With God's grace, it was a success and no breathing aid this time! Praise the Lord!! (the only body reaction was a massive rash breakout caused by an allergic reaction to the 10 pints of blood infused during surgery) I stayed in the ICU for a day and HDU (High Dependency Unit) for a couple of days before I could go back to general ward. Recovery was swift and smooth. All these, I must say, was the work of the Lord!

The breaking news was that the tumor mass removed shown 95% of dead cells and the remaining 5% was inactive. It was certainly encouraging and I felt uplifted.

There was a funny incident during my stay... my neighbouring ward-mate was talking and singing in his sleep throughout and my was I amused! Was it this the work of the Lord to keep me cheerful throughout my stay?

Thought of the day: "All things are possible to him that believeth"

Christmas Peak

A sneak preview of our Christmas Tree!

Christmas holds much meaning to us every year and even more so this year. We're looking forward to be able to return home and celebrate this season with loved ones and friends..... and oh yes ...definitely looking forward to what's to be on the table spread too!

Hark The Herald Angels Sing...Glory To The New Born King!

The 2nd Lap

Having been through the 1st cycle, all was prepared to take the 2nd cycle head on!

News from a round of tests showed a conflicting result which puzzles everyone... The latest CT scan shows that the tumors shrank, the blood test however shows that the tumor markers have increased for both Beta HCG and AFP. Nevertheless, the team of doctors had their discussions and agreed that the treatment should continue.... so we are all prepared to battle on!!!

Today, 8th Dec, is the last day of cycle 2 of high dose chemo. The body has just started to feel very weak and he slept through the entire afternoon. What was heartening was his appetite! Even after 3 days of high dose chemo, he is still able to have his mains and many packets of biscuits in between.

The pic above is him enjoying his breakfast today..... platter of croissants!! Seeing him eat makes the wife feel hungry as well......

Keep the Faith!!!

"Boy....you got to keep the faith!!!" It's end of home discharge; a well rested, recharged Kevin after the weekend at home and it's time to move on!

I must say that year 2007 is coming to an end and the festive seasons are near. It was really an up and down year for me, lots of trials and turbulences, fun and loving memories too...... but most importantly I got closer to GOD. I guessed that would sum up as my best memory ever! Thank you Lord for preserving the faith in me especially in times of need.

The rest at home really revitalised me spiritually and mentally......... (I hope the doctors are reading this so that they can discharge me more...... hehehe!!!) Good food, good company, good rest.... what more can you ask for.

Anyways, Christmas and New Year's around the corner, time to pick up the spirits and cheer up!!! Be cheerful and peace will be with you!

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

Makansutra Time - High Steam Diet

After the first SCT (Stem Cell Transplant) cycle, it was nice for a short rest at home.... before the 2nd cycle resumes. The common protocols were exercised during every discharge; like a doctors' report, pharmacist's personal visit to dispense the medication, fill in hospital feedback forms, memos and appointments for medical check-ups. But this time, a dietitian visited before discharge.

Dietitian looked slim....I'm sure she has to be..... came in with a neutropenic diet plan!! What is that?!!

Well, usually when your counts (Red Blood/Haemoglobin, White Blood and Platelets) are below normal range, you are neutropenic. So when your counts are low, you are bound for infections and bacteria like air-borne, water-borne and even food-borne. So we talking about food-borne infections here.

You know how difficult it is for a former 110kg giant whom "live to eat" lifestyle and formerly in food and beverage industry to go on a DIET!!!!! Now a neutropenic diet! After the SCT, when your counts are relatively going up, it's actually not so bad...... it's all in the food preparation. You just need to make sure the food are well cooked! Also take loads of Magnesium, Calcium, high protein meals, etc..

Here's the bad...., during the hospital stay, when the counts were really low, all my cooked meals were high-steamed for another about 15mins before it is served. Let me tell you, the food really sucks!!!! Vegetables were yellow, fish meat taste like fish paste, most of the time chicken and fish tastes the same as the texture feels alike, spaghetti texture were as thick as Udon, hard boiled eggs after peeling off the shell, the egg is still shell-like color and worse of all the smell of the meal is so overwhelming that you will feel nausea even when the food just steps into your room. Imagine this, you requested for roast chicken, but what you get is steamed roast chicken! What's the point of roasting then! So what even you have good and fanstastic appetite!!!! Thank god, my mother in law would bring in home cooked, healthy and nourishing soups almost everyday! Been losing weight as we speak..... so probably the diet works hahaha!!!! Just hit below the 80kg mark... ideally 75kg according to the dietitian. So you guys and gals want to go on a high steam diet???!!! Anyway, don't complain, it's good for you!

P/S: My thought for the day: To be peaceful, you must be cheerful.........