A Wife's Journey

Looking back at the unfolding of events for the past half year, I fully realise how uneven the path was, however, this journey seems so long to walk....

All from family to friends to bosses & colleagues to the medical and nursing team formed the crucial support that keeps me going on day to day. Most times were trying and sometimes almost impossible to overcome; handling his fears, moods, frustrations, hopes - expectations - disappointments about his medical conditions, evolving needs and wants and many more...but I knew I had to go on for him.

Praying for strength daily the most important and the Lord, on top of the support from people I already knew, blessed me with nurses who really cares and doctors whom I am always grateful for, who go beyond their call of duties; willingness to be contacted anytime of the day, many quick pop-bys to see he was feeling, occasional sms-es to check on things, patience to explain and update ... these gestures not only encouraged and make him feel assured, they helped me feel assured and improve my understanding of what is happening and to expect.

During the first week at Mt Alvernia's critical care, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Keeping him positive was my priority (I always wore colourful clothes and a smile on my face), I tried to take the rest of the news in my stride. As a wife, the lingering questions were - why didn't I suspect there was something wrong earlier... why didn't I bring him to the specialist earlier... why didn't I bring him to the A&E when his fever didn't subside.. shouldn't I have done all these being the closest person to him.

It was very painful to see him hooked up with the tangle of lines at the critical care, even more heartbreaking was the sight of him after the open biopsy, so vulnerable and weak while needing the support of the ventilator,covered with a thermal blanket with the vital signs monitor constantly beeping.

Many nights were spent talking to the Lord on what's in store for us, how would our lives be from this day.... it took quite awhile before I fully accepted the reality. It was heartening to know at least while at the A&E that he wanted to be baptised. It had always been in my prayers that he had a religion close at heart.

Most people often ask how I was taking everything, I must admit deep down inside it was and is still difficult. I guess it is only natural to have the thought cross my mind - after having 10 blissful years (4 in marriage) with him, how could I continue my life happily without him? As his faith grew with Jesus Christ, mine grew along with him. Ever since, each time we hit any brick walls, we lift our burdens to the Lord and this enabled us to enjoy each day fruitfully with love and peace.

It seemed forever since I last heard him laugh with gusto, had our daily dinner at the nearby food court, did our weekly grocery shopping, scold our "babies" with affection, tell his funny sometimes corny jokes, send me cheerful sms when my work got tough, make monkey faces to cheer me, relate his daily activities with much colour.... I pray and patiently await for him to recover to continue my blessed journey with him and The Lord.