Pain is temporary, giving up is forever!

Lance Armstrong once said in his book, "Pain is temporary but giving up is forever". Very true indeed, especially for people afflicted with illness like cancer. Through experience, discovering the fact that one had contracted cancer will demoralise and affect you badly. Most of the time one would feel like crying, just like I did. Your world feels like "Jenga!!!"

Information overload can make a patient feeling down and negative. The conscious mind plays a very important role, it can kill you but at the same time it can save you. Hence, come the phrase "Stay positive and you will live". Prayers and encouragement plays an important role in one's well being. It keeps our mind positive. It keeps us looking forward to recovery and wellness. It is good to know your disease then you will be able to fight them just like the saying, "To win the battle is to know your enemy". But if one cannot accept information that may be negative to you.... my advice is not to know it because it may affect your mindset.

Going through the treatments can be painful, lots of discomfort, always feeling unwell...... the list goes on, but remember "Never Give Up!!!!" It is only temporary, and you will benefit from the treatments eventually. Also..... Pray hard.

It has been almost one year now, my life perspective had changed. Life is more important than I used to think it was. A meaningful life does not encompasses around money and wealth only. My brother in law once said, "Got so much money also cannot bring with you when you pass on". When he said that, I laughed at it as if it was a joke, but when one has experienced life threatening illnesses, what was once a joke, now it is a fact!

Whatever treatments one may be going through, just be positive, believe that it will work and don't ever give up. Sometimes we can perform better, even beyond the capacities that we ever imagined possible, when crisis like this occurred in our lives.

This one is for you all!!!!

Good news! Good news! Finally great news! My tumour markers has dipped and hopefully dip even more. Praise the Lord and have faith will conquer all obstacles.

"Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement that has spurred me on to fight my battle."

The battle is not over yet but I am sure the results today will boost my morale to continue fighting. My fight will not be easy without all of you encouraging me. My morale would not be high if you guys did not cheer me on. I would not be this positive today if not for all of you praying for me.

Malaysia Boleh!!!!!

Being back to Malaysia was fun, meeting up with my family and friends again after the long haul. Enjoyed every moment of it with laughter and great food (still on my special diet though) and most importantly great company. It could have been a perfect short break if not for my first episode of buddy-block (disturbance of the urinary tract). "Man! It sure was a scare considering I'm still away from home". I had to cut short my trip as the panic juice has kicked in and appointments with my doctors in Singapore were hastily made the next day. I was supposed to be enjoying the beautiful beaches of Port Dickson........ trying to get my skin bronze again under the high UV ray of the sun and maybe build a sand castle... Unfortunately, all these will have to wait as my buddy can't wait anymore...

It was the same evening when my big problem arise, I felt extreme discomfort and was in a state of confusion....., "I can't take it anymore....... can't wait!!!!" I got to see a doctor. So my good friend for 26 years recommended the closest specialist center to my home in Petaling Jaya. It was already past 6pm and the clinics were closed so my only option was the A&E (Accident & Emergency). After waiting several minutes, a nurse took me in and started filling up the registration form as normal procedure. What happened next will always be etched in my memory....

Well, regular questions like any history about me were asked, hence I told her that I am a Germ Cell Tumour Cancer patient, she said "Apa?!! Tak pernah dengar pun?" (What?!! Never heard of it before leh?). Then the staff nurse tried to pen it down under my name column........ "Germ Tumor". Well, I have heard of Germ Cell Tumor but not Germ Tumor!! Then she asked for any allergies, I replied "doxycycline" and again to my amusement, she spelt "do-x-cycling". Wow, didn't know that antibiotics could cycle, well at least in...... Malaysia boleh!

Then she told me to lie on the bed for the doctor to attend to me. Well I had to insert a urine catheter so the nurse asked me to take off my pants and my PANTIES!!!!! For crying out loud, I don't know if I did look like a woman - especially with my over stimulated facial hair. Maybe that was it....... the remedy to my discomfort, I could pee after the doctor tried to catitherize me (if there's such a word) which did not happen as my buddy said "No" to foreign objects. (Advise: For all kids, learn to say No to strangers. Hehe!!!)

Phew..... thank God once again for a relieving me from the pain. Then we went for a good dinner and headed home to Singapore that very night. Thanks to my mum and dad, they drove us back. The next day we met the Urologist, well it was a stricture on my urinal tract that causes the blockage. I pray that it is nothing serious and if a surgery is necessary, then let it be smooth.

C'est la vie!

As much as we yearn and love to hear the words "Cancer In Remission" especially after all that he had gone through, the cancer is still not completely beaten as the tumor markers have started to climb after being lowered to 37 after the transplant (normal range is below 10).

It was the beginning of March when the doctors concluded from the marker trends that the cancer is not in remission and suggested surgery/radiation to battle the disease. A special PET scan was done to better view the cell activity in the body for assessment if any surgery or radiation were to be carried out. As the scans showed active tumor growth around the heart, the surgeon and radiation oncologist gave us their fair views on the treatments and their risks.

Looking back on how he was previously, his hopes were raised and dashed several times over the last 9 months, I was very worried this news would devastate him. Instead, he picked himself up within the day and looked forward to whatever come what may. Later did he tell me that it was the peace in his heart which he drew strength from the Lord and prayers that boosted him out of devastation. We prayed for guidance and strength in decision to go ahead with surgery/radiation or to opt out as he needed to make a decision relatively soon in apprehension that the tumor starts doubling in size again.

It was an extremely difficult decision to make the call to opt out as living a peaceful and fulfilling life is very much more important. We have taken on traditional chinese medicine as an alternative and is currently seeking treatment by a chief physician who specializes in cancer. He also chose a holistic approach instead to improve his quality of life and hope to battle or if not, control the tumors. We consider the stem cell transplant a success as it managed to beat the markers to an all time low as that translates to more time and opportunity to take on alternative treatments.

Through our entire experience, we strengthen a stronger relations with our extended family members and casual friends, made more good friends and bask in the warmth of sincerity and helpfulness in the ordinary people around our ordinary estate on an ordinary day.

Given this new lease of life, we are thankful for The Lord's grace for another opportunity, however short or long, to fully and truly cherish each other, spend quality time with our families and friends.

Cheers to life and the joy it brings to all around us! C'est la vie!

Pizza Nite

As some friends will know, we had a small pizza party on the eve of the New Year 2008. Due to some technical glitches, the photos were somehow gone before we could post any on our blog.

So here is our second but larger pizza party with friends and all loved the novelty of having to DIY!

Some salad to start out with as how can a meal be complete without vegetables!!! Some men will beg to differ....

Had some extra tomatoes so whipping up some toast with chopped onions, drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkling of cracked black pepper was easy....

Pizza topped with an egg adds an extra twist!

Pizza with plenty of cheese....yummy

Pizza that is almost symmetrical

Mushroom with cheese and ham!

Hearty pizza with a touch of black pepper!

The last pizza made for the night!