Time has certainly passed and books have been leaved through in attempts to move forward. No one nor books can fully illustrate and prepare one how to survive losing someone you so dearly loved.
Most of the time, past tense was avoided to maintain the surreal feeling that everything is not true and that the experiences were just fragments of a movie. Suddenly it gets hard to recall when was the last time we laughed and enjoyed a moment just like an ordinary couple planning for their lives ahead.
Waking up seems even harder when actually with time, things should get better. Sticking to routines at times makes me just want to phone him like how I used to. How I yearn to receive a call from him and when reality sets in that the phone will never ring, the pain just creeps up and engulf the heart slowly like a python strangling its prey in a slow death.
Just when everything seems to spin out of control, Kevin's smiling face would appear in mind and flashes of happy memories somehow makes me smile. Life perspective seems clearer and the the heart feels lighter.
A day that passes signifies a day I am closer to meeting him in God's paradise and sharing all the things that I have set out to fulfill.
Meanwhile, I continue to brace myself in facing the challenge which have been the toughest in my life... the challenge of moving forward meaningfully.
