Angels From Above

For many, including myself, everything that happened since the 2nd admission into ICU seemed to be in a whirl. Here's an account to my best memory....

After the 2nd ICU admission, it only on the 4th morning, 22nd Jan, that the ICU doctors finally gave the green light to have the breathing tube removed. After days of sedation, his first words uttered, as reported by his doc and nurse, were... Orange Juice!

His fluid retention was greatly reduced when 11L of water was drained one day when medications were given aggressively to flush out the water retained in the body. Improvements were seen in the lungs as they started to dry out. It was later through tests that revealed the lungs were also bleeding during his ICU stay. The extent of damage could only be accessed at a later stage.

So glad were all and the nurses at his ward 48 Central were so happy to receive him back from the ICU. After he settled in nicely, I heaved a sigh of relief and said to myself "the worst is finally over", or rather that was what I thought!

Things looked better as he seemed more calm but it was soon noticable that he would lose his balance and slide to one side or at times tremble before falling asleep. The most noticeable was him shaking his right leg which was easily mistaken for restlessness. This leg shaking went on and off for a few days and the doctors felt somethings was amiss.

Finally on Thurs 24th jan, he was using much effort to breathe even though his oxygen level acceptable, the decision was made to send him to an intermediate care ward (1 level lower than that of an ICU). He wore a mask to push air into his lungs to help relieve his breathing efforts without having to intubate him. It only lasted a few hours as they realised his breathing was even more shallow as he kept taking off the mask.... he described at a later stage that the mask felt like having a hair dryer blowing air into your nose.

Over the next 5 days, he toggled between reality and a lucid state of mind. The doctors hoped it was an effect from the many and potent antibiotics given. Most of the time, he was incapable in expressing his feelings and at times only able to say a few words. Initially, he was able to recognize and sometimes even able to say your name. Over the weekend, he started to get agitated and kept repeating phrases over and over. Most phrases were about leaving the world, wanting everything to be over and a whole lot more.

After trying to calm him using various methods, it came to a point where the only thing left in my mind was to call his doc on a Sat evening to get a better understanding if it was a medical related condition. His desire to be baptised became more urgent and Pastor Jack Sin came almost immediately and it was noticeable that he seemed more calm.

Came Monday, 29th Jan, he lapsed into a world of silence. The heartbreaking moment was when he couldn't even response with his eyes when I call out to him. The doctors were extremely worried and an urgent CT scan was ordered for his brain to sniff out any tumors or possible bleeding. It seemed like eternity before the doctors came to assure us that the brain scan was normal later in the afternoon. At the same time they were able to see that his left lung was quite badly infected with pneumonia. It was explained that when a patient is very ill, it is possible to be in such a state and he needs time to come out of it as the body heals.

The next day, he suddenly opened his eyes and demanded to be discharged... even threathened to pull out all his tubes and lines if the doctors didn't acceed to his demands. He felt that he was leaving the world and he wanted it to be at his own home. The team of doctors and a social worker came to assist in calming him. Like it has always been, food was carrot to calm him down... he wanted to get his chocolate banana cake and fish n chips from Secret Recipe within an hour. We all scrambled - Lynette, Jessica and Juan pooled their efforts and managed to meet his timeline.

He was transfered that very night to his own isolation ward as the sounds coming from the intermediate care machines were not condusive in his recuperation. The docs told us it is only now up to his body to fight and heal as the doctors have given all they could.

His will to fight gained strength and he made much improvement over the days and was even granted home leave during Chinese New Year eve for reunion dinner! This fighting spirit is still going on strong.

The dedication, empathy, compassion, concern and care rendered to the both of us by the entire stem cell transplant team, germ cell tumor doctors and the nurses of ward 48 Central are great blessings showered along with the mountain-strong support from family and friends by the Good Lord above. We call them our angels from above, specially sent by Him.

God gave strength through my wife!

Everyday we pray and give thanks to our Heavenly Father, asking for strength and peace. The Lord shall never leave nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). The Lord never leaves us humble servants and I believe the Lord. Indeed, strength and courage was never far away from me, my wife.

Whenever, I complain about the bed being warm and hot, there she is bearing the cold freezing air-con, sleeping on a $20 PVC bed rack not even a word ever I have heard from her saying it was uncomfortable. Whenever I complain about the food, she would finish up the remaining for me for not wasting! Whenever I wanted something, she never hesitated to get it done and she would give me a kiss on the head saying back in a jiff! She always put me ahead of her all the time. Cracking her head, weighing the pros and cons of what is good and moderate.

Thank you Lord for sending me this angel. What more can I ask even now thinking back I do feel ashamed that I may not have treasured this Godsend angel.

My dearest Linda.....Thank you and I love you.

A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

In Moments Like These

We have come so far after enduring so many different treatments, the path before us now seems the most difficult and uncertain.

Being subjected to 3 rounds of high dose chemo, the body has weaken and it is now tired. Upon discharge from the ICU on Monday back to the isolation ward, the body was out of critical condition but it still needed close monitoring. The blood pressure was hovering at borderline and the heart rate still fast at 145. His mind and body was trying it's best to fight.

The next 5 days were of close monitoring as doctors kept adjusting medications to keep him afloat. Having an unstable blood pressure and bad water retention, it was difficult to strike a balance as draining fluids causes the pressure to decline. In addition, potassium had to be infused as the body was lacking this essential element (lack of potassium can affect the heart functions) which further caused the body to be laden with more fluids.

The body became too tired in trying to drain the fluids and it started to enter his lungs. With fluids in the lungs, breathing became difficult and the oxygen levels plunged on Friday night. He was immediately rushed down to the ICU and a respirator was required to take over the breathing process to maintain sufficient oxygen in his blood.

Meanwhile, at the ICU, the doctors tried an aggressive approach by using medications and air pressure to force as much fluids possible out of the lungs. At the same time, they had to be careful with the amount of oxygen given as chemo drug, blomeycin, given prior to this treatment had scarred some parts of the lungs. With the breathing tube inserted, he became very restless even in his semi-conscious state and had to be strapped down to prevent accidents of pulling his lines. The dosage of sedation was increased, however, this caused his blood pressure to plunge. The doctors had to strike a fine balance between adequate sedation and maintaining the blood pressure.

The condition is complicated with some bleeding in the stomach, colon and kidneys as his platelets is extremely low. Although donor platelets are being infused, it remains a concern to the doctors as platelets is the blood clotting element of the body. As the doctors suspect pneumonia, a bronco scope was done. Taking no precautions, the doctors have already been using a wide range of antibiotics to counter a wide spectrum of infections, including pneumonia.

Joining our hands in prayer, we are comforted that The Lord is walking with us every minute of this difficult journey and we continue to trust in Him for strength, grace and guidiance.

When The Going Gets Tough

As the body awaits new stem cells to grow after the chemo and transplant, the immunity will continue to drop. At this point, the risk of developing an infection is high.

In this final cycle, the infection developed was more serious than the one from the previous cycle. Infection do cause blood pressures to fall, increased heart rate and fever to develop. In addition, the diarrhoea caused much loss of fluids and electrolytes.

With everything bundled together and having 8 rounds of diarrhoea through the night, the body went into shock on early Sat morning. He started to be irrational and tried pulling out his lines. When the nurse and myself stopped him, he clenched his fingers around ours as we tried to pry open his fingers to call for the doctor. By this time, his heart rate raced to 170 and fingernails turned slightly blue. My heart went cold when the mucus and saliva started to drip. The calmness of the nurse soothed his agitation and he slowly calmed down.

Soon it was 7am and his eyes again had the glassy look. His blood pressure was quite low so the doctor immediately sent him to the ICU. He was under close monitoring for 2 days as his heart rate was high at 140 - 160 and the fever also hit a high of 39 degrees on Sat night.

It was only on Mon morning that he was able to return to his normal isolation room. He was so weak from the entire ordeal that even talking needed effort.

A CT scan for the stomach was ordered to see exactly what is going on in the guts... it seems like there is some infection. A special milk-like drip was ordered for his nutrition. This drip goes directly into the body system and it need not be absorbed by the stomach. This enables his gut to rest and fully heal.

It was later in the afternoon that his pressure started to drop again. Once again, more doctors started to arrive and soon it became a mini-drama in his room. The doctors were nice as they kept me posted what was happening and kept assuring that everything will be fine.

For now, it is just close monitoring and allowing the antibiotics to do their wonders.