The day Kevin left, all the milestones we set for ourselves before growing old just died alongside with him. Although we knew the odds were stacked against us, we still planned for short term goals and were glad we achieved some but the rest were beyond our reach.
What seemed like a planned life of settling down first with dogs, then to welcome our kids, getting around to being the best parents we could to striving to put them through school till waiting for our grandchildren to enter the world and most importantly having each other for support... all just disappeared.
Getting through each day without Kevin was all I could get through. Slowly I learnt to break my routines by going out occasionally but there were so many times I just wished I could fall asleep and never wake up.
Slowly I learnt to crawl out of this cycle..... I slowly learnt to let go of my biggest regret that I could have tried harder to find other ways in helping his treatment. I slowly learnt to accept that he had received the best to what was available and to our best abilities. I accepted the fact that there could only be so much treatments Kevin wanted to subject himself to. I accepted the fact that no matter how much I talked about Kevin in present tense, his life on this earth had to end 2 years ago and my life had to go on.
As his 2nd death anniversary approaches, I did make some baby steps in rebuilding my life. I looked around me, saw and still see so many good friends cheering me on. I knew that only I can make the change in my life. It is with much prayers and a leap of faith that I am moving out of my comfortable environment and challenging myself in a new one.
Who knows what lies ahead ... but Kevin's parting words will carry me through all the lows and highs of my life till we meet again.
"Once you decide on something, don't regret,
move on, you made the right choice"
Kevin to Linda
18th October 2008
Thank you my love, you always knew how I felt and would feel
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